Are You a People Pleaser?
Do you often find yourself saying yes to things that you really don’t want to? Or maybe you feel like you’re always putting other people’s needs before your own? If so, you maybe a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser can be exhausting and it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout – sometimes both!
It’s hard to do when so many people have probably come to rely on you, or just expect you to do the work, however it is possible to break the cycle and start to set some boundaries.
The first step is to recognise that you have a right to your own needs and desires. It really is ok to say no to things that don’t align to your values or priorities. It’s also ok to ask for what you need from others, whether that is time, space or support. If you are constantly having things added to your workload before you’ve completed other tasks, it’s ok to ask your manager what takes priority so you aren’t trying to complete everything at once.
It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. This can be challenging, especially when people have become use to you saying yes to everything. However it’s essential that you do this and set those boundaries that work for you. You might start by saying, ‘I’m not comfortable with that right now’, or ‘I need some alone time right now’. Close your office do if need be and put that do not disturb sign up on both your door and email.
Be prepared to enforce your boundaries. This means saying no when you need to, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. Remember you are not responsible for other people’s feelings or reactions. Your job is to take care of yourself and your needs. Manner over Matter and how you say no will be the start to a deeper conversation.
Going from being a people pleaser to someone setting boundaries can be difficult, but it’s worth it in the end. By learning to prioritise your own needs and desires, you’ll feel empowered and in a lot more control. You’ll also be able to build more authentic relationships based on mutual respect & understanding.
If at the end of the day, you’ve tried all that you can, and there’s no improvement, then it maybe time to decide if your current workplace is a fit with your own values.
